I’m like 25% funny and 85% bad at math
there’s nothing more satisfying than being an asshole in mario kart
$20 for a selfie with me
but I can go to the dumpster for free
i have this weird self-esteem issue where i hate myself but i still think that im better than everyone else
"Billy where is your homework?"
"im sorry Ms. Klein my dog- *sees dog in the window make a throat cutting motion* -gone cat ate it”
I WAS IN MY SHOWER WHILE SPOTIFY WAS PLAYING AND AFTER LIKE 15 SECONDS OF SILENCE I HEAR THE AD GUY SCREAMING “HELLO THERE SPOTIFY LISTENER” AND I THOUGHT IT WAS SOMEONE IN MY BATHROOM AND I NEARLY FELL OVER